Santa Cruz Sentinel: City Council Hands Out Free Money for No Apparent Reason

November 29, 2007

Santa Cruz City Council hands out funds to nonprofits

SHANNA MCCORD

SENTINEL STAFF WRITER










Santa Cruz Sentinel reports:

Several nonprofits stuck their hands out Tuesday for more money from city coffers to help keep their programs afloat.

While the $60,000 solicited was what City Councilman Mike Rotkin called mere "budget dust," the requests were sliced in half by a council set to overhaul its decades-old process for handing out taxpayer money to social programs.

"We've given money to social services based virtually on nothing but history for decades," Councilwoman Cynthia Mathews said. "In the meantime, community needs have changed, resources have changed and some trends have changed. We're overdue to grapple with that."

A council subcommittee of Mike Rotkin, Lynn Robinson and Ed Porter is creating a policy that, by June, should spell out the specific standards nonprofits must meet to receive city funds.

"We can't fund everything that needs to be funded," Rotkin said. "Right now, there's nothing particularly rational about who gets what."

While the council isn't looking to cut social service funding, it does want to revamp the formula for who receives what. The council, which has given steadily to local social services since the early 1980s, has already agreed to hand out $1.78 million this year to 54 social services across Santa Cruz County.

"Social service allocations of $1.7 million are not trivial," Mathews said. "We've basically become a $1.7 million foundation."

It is nice to know that this day in age that our own city council members announce to the whole world that they are incompetent and corrupt.

Imagine this conversation:

Rotkin: "Yeah, hey man, like we throw tax payer money around for free and without any accountability. Like, Santa Cruz Council members of world unite, we have nothing to lose but tax payers money."

Mathews: "Like, where does it all go, like we get a request, and, you know, like we give to all these interest groups, it is, you know, like the Santa Cruz way."

Porter: "Like man, you know, we continually fleece the local tax payers, and we like give away so much money we don't know where it goes..."

Madrigal: "You know where it goes. It goes to racist police force..."

Reilly: "Can I go bake?"

Rotkin: "He, he, she said baked.."

Robinson: "Perhaps, like, we should like throw tax payer money down the toilet, and maybe, like some surfers will get some cash for some munchies at the river mouth when the money, like comes out of the sewage system, and, you know, they will like vote for us in the next election."

Coonerty: "Man, I got a better idea, like, why don't we start funding non-profit programs, and, in exchange, like, those program directors support my dad and I taking over Santa Cruz County..."

Rotkin: "Yeah, man, that is like a good idea, like the Santa Cruz Senile(he he he), the Metro, and Good Times never report on our corruption, like, we can direct city funds to our campaign supporters, and like, we can run Santa Cruz into the ground forever..."

Mathews: "Like, make sure Planned Parenthood gets some funds, you know..."

Porter: "Maybe, you know, we should like just hand money out to bums in parking lots, so that they can vote for us in the next election..."

Robinson: "Well, we all know the bums are locals..."

Everybody bursts out laughing hysterically.

Coonerty(Wiping tears from his eyes): "Like, it doesn't matter if they are locals or not, you know as long as we spread the cash around to non-profits, you know the local dopes in the progressive movement will overlook our corruption."

Rotkin: "Ryan, like, we should appoint you mayor for life, just like Stalin, you know, your dad taught you well..."

Coonerty: Yeah, like pop taught me, remember, you know he was the one who wanted to make sure Bookshop Santa Cruz was a monopoly, and like wanted to run all the non-local competitors out of town..."

Ed Porter: Like, we are a Santa Cruz version of Tammany Hall..."

Mathews: "Like, only better..."

Robinson: "Like, isn't this like a criminal conspiracy..."

Madrigal(pulling his thumb out of his ass): "No, you know, like the only criminal conspiracy in Santa Cruz is the racist police force that like wants to prevent gang violence in our city."

Everybody looks at Madrigal.

Porter: "Please, like put your thumb back into your ass."

Coonerty: "No, like, you know, we can't kow tow to the illegals until they are given amnesty and the right to vote, then we can supplicate to them and hand out goodies."

Reilly: "I always pass out free baked goods to the Mexicans at Orchard Supply..."

Rotkin(Taking a long toke from a doobie): Woh, man, like I just had a flashback. Like, 20 years ago, we hatched a scheme, like where we went up to UCSC, and, you know, we told the kids, like support us, because we, like are progressive and, like support NGOs, you know, and we like fight against the man. And, like, you know, like sheep, if you say "progressive" "NGO" and "fight the man" "Stop the war" and "Fund abortion now" enough times, the slugs will follow like sheep..."

Mathews(taking the spliff from Rotkin and inhaling a long hit): "Thirty years of teaching Marxism actually paid off..."

Robinson: "You forgot class, race and gender."

Rotkin: "That's right, comrade, you can't say 'class, race and gender; enough" Those words send the kids into a cult-like trance, then they get that 100 yard stare. When the most zombie-like graduate, whomever supported us the most, we use our influence to put them into local NGOs..."

Porter: "You know, like that worked, and here we are today, you know passing out cash to our supporters..."

Reilly: "Anybody want a muffin?"

Madrigal: "As long as no money goes to the racist police to fight gang violence..."

Coonerty: "Dude, lighten up," passing the doobie," like we have already gutted the police force, which is why we have all this extra cash lyin' around to give to our supporters..."

Madrigal: "Ryan, like why don't we use this extra cash and, you know, give it to the Mexicans who rob and murder our people?"

Robinson: "Dude, like after handing out cash to the NGOs, we will see how much is left to give to the illegals, oops, I mean, undocumented workers..."

Madrigal: "They deserve every penny."

Mathews: "OK, like the plan is to make sure we give money to NGOs, but, you know, look like we are more accountable for the money. After all, we need all the money we can get to bribe ourselves into winning the next election."

Reilly: "We can always bribe with cookies."

Rotkin: "I will continue with the propaganda on campus. The slugs are self-deluded and don't have a clue. They couldn't care less what happens to Santa Cruz after they graduate."

Porter: "I agree."

Madrigal: "I agree, but don't forget the Mexicans...they are the future."

Mathews: I agree also, but make sure abortions are fully funded at Planned Parenthood."

Reilly: "Make sure we subsidize the local bakeries."

Robinson has passed out from smoking too much herb. Rotkin raises her hand in assent.

Coonerty: "So, we all, like agree. You guys, like form a phony committee that makes it look like we are accountable to the taxpayers, and we continue, you know, with our plans until the next election. Meeting adjourned."

Rotkin: "Wait, wait, wait, we need to, like, you know sing L'internationale and burn an American flag before we go."

Madrigal: "Can we sing the Mexican national anthem also?"

Porter: "Dude, we got to get out of this place. I have to go shopping for a pocket protector."

Reilly: "I need to bake a cake."

Mathews: "Why don't we sing "L'internationale now and wait to burn the American flag until next time?"

Madrigal: "And I'll bring a Mexican flag to replace it."

Coonerty: "That sounds good. I don't have time either. I have to go home and feed my father. You know how he gets when he is hungry."

Everybody laughs.

Rotkin: "Yeah, we know, during the nineties, we smoked a bowl before a council meeting, and the fucker had the worse munchies. He almost ate my arm."

Coonerty: "That's Dad, yeah, so let's get moving. 1, 2, 3..."


Together:


Debout, les damnés de la terre
Debout, les forçats de la faim
La raison tonne en son cratère
C'est l'éruption de la fin
Du passé faisons table rase
Foules, esclaves, debout, debout
Le monde va changer de base
Nous ne sommes rien, soyons tout
|: C'est la lutte finale
Groupons-nous, et demain
L'Internationale
Sera le genre humain :|


Madrigal: Can we sing in Spanish now?

Register-Pajaronian: Young Blonde American Hottie Becomes Mayor of Mexican City

Kimberly Petersen is Watsonville’s new mayor.

Register Pajaronian

The City Council voted 4-3 Tuesday to appoint her to the position, passing over Dale Skillicorn, a five-year member of the council and lifelong resident. Petersen was praised for her communication skills and ability to work with people.

Outgoing mayor Manuel Quintero Bersámin said, “I’m saying in this particular year, while the city is facing challenges that are coming this year, lawsuits, land-use decisions … I believe in this particular year Mayor Pro Tem Kimberly Petersen is the best person for the job of mayor.”

Bersámin swayed some citizens in the packed council room.

“I have seen her work in the community in quiet ways, serving and volunteering, she’s very easy to work with and get along with,” Maria Gitin-Torres, a resident at Bay Village, said of Petersen. “Also, what impresses me is she’s the choice of our current mayor. She has been mentored and prepared for this situation. I think she’ll do a wonderful job.”

In further developments, "La Senora Alcalde," as the new mayor wants to be known, has outlined her political agenda:

1. From now on, every resident of Watsonville will be required to speak Spanish. "It is the national language of Mexico; therefore, Watsonville shall share the national language. English will be outlawed in commerce and government."

2. I will push for higher standards in the Pajaro school district by supporting lowering the standards of the school district. Whether you attend class and do your homework or not, you will get an A. If you are an illegal immigrant from Mexico, your children will get free education and be given As. Citizenship, legal status, literacy, competence in math and sciences, and hard work should not be barriers to getting A's in the classroom. Our society can't progress unless we supplicate to the truant, the lazy and the stupid. I strongly believe in bringing our society down to the lowest common denominator.

3. If you work hard and play by the rules, I will tax you. If you are lazy and break the law, I will give you unlimited social benefits.

4. Those seeking illegal work in the parking lots at Home Depot and Orchard Supply will be given a minimum wage of $25 an hour, protection from the INS, and the city will pick up the costs of health insurance, especially for poor Mexican colonizers about to have their 5th child they can't afford. If you are an American citizen who works in Watsonville, you will be paid $5 an hour and taxed at $6 an hour, and if you can't afford health care, a lien will be attached to your home. If you don't own a home, we will send the credit agencies after you.

5. Anyone who works in any retail or fast food outlet within the city limits must be 50lbs overweight, must give bad service, must wear clothes that don't fit, and must be illiterate in math and English. Any Watsonville business that gives training to its employees or committed to excellent customer service will lose its license. City bureaucrats must be slow, incompetent, unresponsive and surly. It will be a requirement that city workers be a over-paid and unproductive.

6. In the spirit of the behavior of the Mexican government, all Watsonville government contracts will be no-bid contracts. Only members of the city council and their family members will economically benefit from the city's cronyism and corruption.

7. I will shall over turn the ban on tattoo parlors. Further, every resident of Watsonville must belong to a gang and by law wear a gang tattoo.

8. Every car must be an SUV or a low rider and the stereo system must be blasted so high that the Earth shakes and noise can be heard in a 2 block radius.

9. If you belong to a gang and/or terrorize the public with violence, graffiti, larceny etc, the Watsonville police will be prohibited from arresting you. Instead, you will be given an award and be told, "Job well done."

10. It will be a city ordinance that you must destroy city property whenever possible. If you don't destroy public restrooms, don't destroy public parks, don't spray graffitti on public and private property, you won't be welcome in Watsonville.

11. It shall be the law that you must steal one car, steal one catalytic converter, and stab a resident once a year.

12. It is my policy that city roads will never fixed again.

13. It is my policy that home prices be appraised and valued at one third below the county average. And if your home is appraised above the county average, the city will do everything in its power to lower the value of your home.

14. We will protect anybody who wishes to smoke marijuana. Indeed, every day of the week shall be dedicated to doing drugs. Marijuana on Mondays, Crack on Tuesdays, Meth on Wednesdays, Shrooms on Thursdays, LSD on Fridays, and ecstasy on Saturdays. Sundays will pot luck day.

15. I shall be committed to a cap on businesses that produce taxes for the city. Instead, the city in the future will only give business licenses to Mexican grocery stores and taquerias. They must be owned and operated by Mexican nationals who can't English. Any Mexican employee who attempts to speak English will be punished and fined. Any Mexican employee who refuses to speak English will be rewarded with a free day at the Dollar Store.

16. The city's dress code shall be sweats and t-shirts. If you are a woman, you must wear a bra that is three sizes too small and 4 inches of fat must hang over the outside of your pants.

17. Flags of the United States will be banned from within Watsonville city limits and be replaced by the Mexican flag. Every morning at 8am and every evening at 6pm, all residents of Watsonville must be pledge allegiance to the flag of Mexico.

18. All city residents must support the Mexican national soccer team. If not, they shall be shot.

19. The city of Watsonville will continue with its plan of urban uglification. I will dedicate my time as mayor to making sure that every major street in Watsonville looks like a strip mall or a 3rd World ghetto.

20. If you are Mexican and drive drunk and without a license and insurance, you will be given amnesty and rewarded with free tank of gas. If you are American and drive sober and with a license and insurance, you will be arrested and taken to jail for cultural insensitivity.

Metro Santa Cruz: Nuz on Toilets Downtown

Fa-la-la-la-loo
















Metro Santa Cruz

Nuz reports:

Ah, the holiday shopping season. Time to head downtown and spend the day shopping, eating and drinking—and holding it, unless you happen to be near Bookshop Santa Cruz, the only decent public restroom facility on the mall. It's tough to find a place to tinkle in this town. God help you should more serious business call.

It's an uncivilized state of affairs, in Nūz's view. But this time next year, public sanitation in Surf City could be much improved. After downtown merchants shot down the idea of a self-cleaning kiosk-style public restroom—nobody wanted what might have turned into a tiny little brothel or shooting gallery on the sidewalk in front of their business—city officials are taking a different approach and turning to the business owners themselves. Mark Dettle, director of public works for the city, explained to Nūz that the latest idea, modeled on a program in Santa Barbara and other cities, is to offer a stipend or a break on city fees to any business owner who opens up a loo to John Q. Public. Signs would point mallgoers to these facilities, which would presumably be more pleasant than the rank city-run public toilets in the Soquel and Locust street garages.

John Lischer, owner of Artisans gallery in downtown Santa Cruz and a member of several city committees on public restrooms, is a big advocate of community restrooms downtown. "You can see where it would curtail commerce," he says, not to have any facilities at all.

But Lischer is leery of asking individual business owners to take on the cost and hassle of providing what he thinks should be a public service. "I think the community has a responsibility to install public restrooms," he says. "They should be in the public domain, so everyone shares the cost." Lischer adds that public toilets take a beating. He points to Bookshop Santa Cruz, which he says "should be nominated for sainthood" for opening its restrooms to the public at great expense. (Nūz is inclined to agree.)

Vice-Mayor Ryan Coonerty, whose sister Sheila Coonerty now runs the family business, says between toilet paper, water, cleaning, visits by the plumber and vandalism, Bookshop Santa Cruz spends $40,000 to $50,000 a year keeping its restrooms open.

The city-run toilets also cost a pretty penny, says Dettle. People showering at the sink, stuffing things down the toilet, tearing out fixtures and worse all help boost the maintenance cost to $150,000 a year.

And still nobody wants to use them.

Will business owners want to sign up for this? Will people be shamed into good behavior if they have to traipse through somebody's shop to reach the can? Maybe. Nūz is pleased to learn that the city is not planning on relying solely on the stipend-for-privies plan, which is still in the exploratory phase. Coonerty says another part of the program is to start making sure establishments that serve food and drink—which are required to have restrooms—are making them available to their customers, if not the general public. And some sprucing up of the garage restrooms, possibly including video cameras outside to deter vandalism, is also on the list.

It's a subject that Coonerty, who officially becomes mayor this month, greets dutifully, if not joyously.

"For something that affects everybody, it's a tough problem to solve," he says, adding, "but I think we can make some progress on it."

Here is another example of the myopic mentality of government officials and local business.

This problem is an easy one to solve with a little creative thinking.

Problem: Downtown Santa Cruz needs toilets. Anytime the city or a private business opens a toilet to the public, the bums and other barbarians who can't function in a civilized society either destroy the toilets or make them unsanitary and unusable. Thank you, Bob Norse.

Solution: Choice 1: Do more of the same. Choice 2: Do nothing. Choice 3: Do something other than choice 1 or choice 2. Unfortunately, our city and business leaders are mentally and intellectually incapable of coming up with a solution other than 1 or 2. In other words, they are imbeciles, which is why Downtown Santa Cruz is the shit hole that it is.

My solution: You build public toilets on both ends of Pacific Ave, or wherever convenient. Now, you don't build toilets that look like they belong in provincial China, which is what the idiots on the city council and Downtown Association would do. Instead, you build beautiful restrooms. You build the best looking toilets that are possible.

Now, after doing that, you hire security guards and maids/janitors to take care of these toilets.

Some may say, "Whoa there cowboy, we can't afford to build big beautiful bathrooms in Santa Cruz. We just don't have the money. And we certainly don't have the cash to hire people to service them."

I think it is idiotic that Bookshop Santa Cruz spent $50,000 to maintain their toilets when they could have posted a security guard and janitor for half that cost. But, then again, the Connerty political legacy has been to run Santa Cruz into the ground, so it is not surprising that they can't run a business properly with common sense either.


So, here are a number of possibilities.

1. You charge to use the bathroom. This keeps the bums out. And you have somebody on premises to take the money. Don't use machines that the Mexicans will vandalize and steal. And if a bum pays to use the toilet and vandalizes it, the money taker can call the police and have the bum arrested.

2. You use people who have committed crimes and have been sentenced to do community service to clean and secure the toilets. Make them wear uniforms while performing these services.

3. If the city and Downtown Association don't want to use criminals for free labor, then they should split the cost of managing the restrooms.


See how easy that solution is? No committees, no hard work, no endless hand wringing. Simple, cost-effective solution.

Metro Santa Cruz: Nuz on Road Warriors

Nūz: Once again, Highway One divides the latest transportation tax effort.

Metro Santa Cruz

Road Warriors

As members of the Transportation Funding Task Force (TFTF) left their seats at the end of the group's final meeting on Nov. 14, there was a whiff of success in the air. Cake was served and Martinelli's sparking cider bottles were popped to celebrate the TFTF's hard-won achievement: consensus, sort of, on a new transportation plan.May Nūz suggest some whiskey instead, to fortify all for the coming months? Trouble is a-brewing.

The group was reveling in the fact that it had mustered over two-thirds of its members to support a proposal to raise the county's sales tax by a half-cent over 30 years. The money would fund a total of $600 million worth of projects, including highway widening, establishing train service, improving bus service and repairing pothole-ridden streets. If the proposal makes it through the Regional Transportation Commission (RTC), it will be placed on next November's ballot. It would need the approval of two-thirds of voters to pass.

After 26 months of tense debate, the level of consensus reached during the TFTF's last meeting was in fact cause for celebration. But not everyone was in a celebrating mood. As soon as the vote had been tallied, the environmentalist contingent within the TFTF vowed to organize an opposition to the tax measure, and possibly even field its own proposal on the November ballot.

"It's a lot of work, but we can get our own initiative on the ballot," says Paul Elerick of the Campaign for Sensible Transportation. "I think we could do it. There are a lot of people who are willing to do that work."

The environmentalists don't like what they see as an unbalanced proposal that would allocate $300 million to widening Highway One, $35 million for train service, $130 million for bus service and $135 million for street repairs.

The opposition movement, which has essentially the same composition as the opposition movement created to fight the failed 2004 transportation tax Measure J, was also disturbed by the rejection of an amendment proposed by Virginia Johnson of Ecology Action during final negotiations. Johnson's amendment would have required the overall plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and individual projects to be at least carbon neutral.

Elerick suggested the amendment might in fact form the foundation of a competing measure. "The initiative might be focused around global warming, requiring that no project shall be undertaken that doesn't result in a lower amount of greenhouse gases," he said.

Johnson refused to comment on whether or not she would join in an opposition movement.

The local chapter of the Sierra Club and local bicycle advocacy group People Power have both indicated they will join a campaign to defeat the measure as it stands.

"We have a transportation system that's over-dependent on the automobile and foreign oil," says James Danaher, transportation committee chair for the Sierra Club. "This vote from the task force was a vote to expand that dependency. I think the majority ignored the desires and concerns of the people."

For People Power's Micah Posner, the decision to fight the TFTF's proposal was rather cut and dry.

"If you care about global warming, you shouldn't support a proposal sponsored by people who don't care about global warming," he says. "If you widen the road you induce traffic. Because it's a 30-year project, you slowly create the impetus for sprawl. If you put in a train, you also encourage development, but it's more of an infill, nodal style of development."

As the opposition movement begins to organize, it's clear that decreasing greenhouse gas emissions will be one of its main rallying cries. However, some supporters of the TFTF proposal believe the global warming issue is a "sound bite" hiding the environmentalists' true motivations.

"I don't think you can claim to be against this because of global warming. That's very transparent," says county Supervisor Ellen Pirie. "That's not the issue. This opposition has been going on for over 30 years. It used to be, a long, long time ago, it was an effort to control growth. That's how the opposition to widening Highway 1 started. I don't know why they're opposing it now [after the implementation of growth control measures in the late '70s]. I guess they've just always opposed it, so they're going to continue to oppose it." When asked what she thinks is motivating the environmentalists now, Pirie said, "I can't answer that question."

For Pirie and many others in the pro-widening camp, the environmentalists are asking for too much. Pirie cited the $35 million allocated to train service as an example of the compromise anti-train activists had made, and added that she would have liked to see more compromise on the part of the environmentalists.

"I'm not surprised the campaign will organize against it because they want everything their way," says Pirie, referring to Elerick's organization. "All the experts say an organized campaign against [a tax measure] can bring it down, and I believe it's true. Then none of us will have anything. No money for a train, no money for rail trail, no money for road repairs, and no money for buses."

Yes, whiskey. And make it a double.

Indeed, pass the bottle.

Two-thirds of the committee passed the proposal. One-third want to scuttle the proposal and will do everything in their power to destroy it.

Tyranny of the minority. And if they can't get their way, throw a fit and make everybody else suffer.

A train in Santa Cruz? I seriously doubt there is a market for a train.

The bus system sucks(and I doubt any of these environmentalists ride the bus) and the roads in Santa Cruz County are 3rd Worldesque--if not worse.

Bad roads are not good for the environment and not good for cyclists either.

Commuters need Highway 1 because people commute from San Jose, because that is where the jobs are. The job market in Santa Cruz is abysmal, because these same activists who are worried about global warming run every business that makes any money out of the county.

This is Santa Cruz political idiocy at its worse: The Nimbys and environmentalists force business away from Santa Cruz because capitalism is evil and disruptive to their lifestyle, then blame other Santa Cruzans for destroying the environment because they commute over the hill so that they can afford to live in Santa Cruz.

After I saw this column, I made a conscious effort to see what people drive. It seems everybody and their mother drives an SUV, not many folks taking the bus, and hardly anybody riding a bike.

The thing I really hate about Santa Cruz politics is that you have a hand full of people with a cause. They are true believers. They are right and everybody else is wrong. But they make no effort in convincing people that their cause is in the best interest of everybody in the community. Instead, they want to impose their beliefs on the polity through government fiat, and if anybody disagrees with their fanaticism, they either thrown a temper tantrum, encourage riots, or do everything in their power to sabotage any compromise.

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Santa Cruz Sentinel:Santa Cruz County Residents Can't Keep Their Weight Down

Hey, I will have three veggie whoppers, one large non-GM french fries, one locally grown side of onion rings, a pesticide free cherry pie, a fair-trade chocolate sundae and an extra- large diet soy milk.








Santa Cruz Sentinel reports:

A first-time local survey released this week suggests county residents continue to eat too much and fail to shed the extra pounds -- despite the region's reputation for fitness and a growing national spotlight on obesity and its health effects.

One of every two people in Santa Cruz County is overweight or obese, according to the survey on body mass that debuts in the 2007 United Way-sponsored Community Assessment Project. In past years, as documented back to 2001 in the statewide California Health Interview Survey, the number of overweight residents in Santa Cruz County has similarly hovered around 50 percent

For a people who take pride in eating veggie, organic and local, Santa Cruzans are fatter per capita than those in your average meat eating, GM consuming, fast food scarfing American city.

The local government has banned smoking, curbed dancing and drinking, won't allow anybody to have fun unless there is a massive police presence on the streets and draconian ordinances on the books, and banned house parties, so there really is nothing left except to eat.

The city council considered a fat tax to fund another local shelter to house out of town fat homeless people here on holiday, but felt that they could only tax people so much before they begin to riot.

Fight the Flab!, a corporate chain that promotes health eating and exercise, considered investing million of dollars in the Santa Cruz economy. In the initial planning stages, it found its presence wasn't welcomed by local activists.

A local Nimby group Save the Fat fought against it.

"We don't want a chain that promotes good health, hard work and exercise in our neighborhood. Why can't we have another taqueria? This town doesn't have enough taquerias!," said George Wideload, President of Save the Fat.

Miquel Illegalitas of Gordos Sin Fronteras agreed.

"Fight the Flab! is a racist chain. It refuses to employ illegal immigrants. Santa Cruz needs more taquerias to employ more illegals from Mexico. Besides, we Mexicans love our women to be grotesquely obese and wear tight clothing. Muy caliente. We won't have Fight the Flab! insulting our culture. Vive la Mexico!"

A local feminist group, Dykes for Donuts, also came out in support of obesity.

"When American women are healthy and svelte, they become attractive, and that promotes their objectification by men. We support the right of American women to be obese. We want their clothes to fit poorly and have fat oozing out of their pants. We want them to look like slobs. We want grease running down their triple chins. Fight the Flab! is just another racist, sexist classist white man's corporation that wants to oppress women and people of color.

A local anti-war group, Keep the Fat, End the War, will have a sit-in in front of McHenry Library at UCSC to teach students how Fight the Flab! is just another corporate beneficiary of the Republican Party's war policies.

"It conspires to take the food out of our mouthes and give it to Halliburton so it can feed US mercenaries in Iraq and profit from the Bush war machine," said Adam Petchouli, spokesman of KFEW.

His brother in arms, Josh Lardstein, an Environmental Studies major at Kresge College, says that good health and exercise are bad for the environment.

"Everytime you breathe, you admit carbon dioxide," he said, perched from a tree in a parking lot that is commonly known as Elfland at UCSC, "and that contributes to global warming."